Elizabeth Beier
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Ten steps for talking to someone you love about something you deeply disagree on

The Lily·23 December 2018A feminist project by the Washington Post

Written and illustrated by Elizabeth Beier ยท Art direction by Rachel Orr

A service comic, built as ten numbered steps, on having the conversation instead of avoiding it.

Published by The Lily, where the original sits behind the Post’s paywall. The complete piece is below, republished by the author.

Under a hand lettered heading reading step one, ask yourself am I ready for this conversation, two women sit at a dinner table with plates of food. The younger woman with a black curly afro freezes mid bite, eyes wide, while the older grey haired woman talks with a raised hand and a storm burst floats where her words would be. Caption: if someone you care about has just said something that deeply offends you, your go to reaction might be to lash out in anger or withdraw completely.The curly haired young woman faces the older woman, one hand pressed to her own chest, speaking with a soft open expression. Under a heading reading step two, ask if the other person wants to have the conversation, her balloon proposes naming what was said at dinner, saying she feels really differently, and asking whether the other person is up for talking about it.The grey haired woman stands centred with both palms open and lifted in a shrug, her expression uncertain. Under a heading reading step three, ask how the other person feels about the issue and let them share fully, hand lettered text explains that this helps avoid assumptions and helps you learn how important the belief is to them.The young woman with the black afro cups a hand behind her ear in a listening pose, smiling attentively. Under a heading reading step three continued, be an engaged listener, the text advises not crossing your arms, rolling your eyes or looking away, and waiting for the other person to finish before formulating your response.Three overlapping speech balloons lettered fairness, safety and personal choice cluster in the centre, with a blue balloon below reading it sounds like we both care about doing the right thing. The heading reads step four, plainly state what you believe and offer a value you might share even if it feels tenuous, and a note adds that forming this bridge does not mean you endorse the conclusion they came to.A solid black profile silhouette of a woman with a large curly afro, a big magenta heart filling the space where her brain would be. Under a heading reading step five, share a story about how this issue impacts you or someone you love and open up with something vulnerable, a torn edge band adds that emotional stories have more potential than recited facts to stick with someone and change a mindset.Two black head silhouettes face each other from opposite edges of the frame, each with a magenta heart inside the skull, and a magenta rope and plank suspension bridge arcs between them. The heading reads step six, invite the other person to do the same, and the text advises listening for the values they bring to the table rather than the conclusion they are coming to.A magenta outlined unrolled scroll carries a suggested script in hand lettering. Under a heading reading step seven, if applicable offer one or two facts the other person might not know, the script observes that both people care about the issue but came to vastly different conclusions based on their experiences, offers one last fact, and invites them to reciprocate.Against magenta with a torn paper white inset, the young woman with the black afro and the older grey haired woman face each other, both smiling warmly. Under a heading reading step eight, openly ask the other person how they feel about the issue after the conversation, a wide black balloon carries the reply you may hear: I still think what I thought before, but I am glad we talked.A large magenta heart sits between torn edge blue fields, with a black outlined seed at its base sending a curling stem upward that breaks out through the top of the heart into three blue leaves. The heading reads step nine, regardless of the outcome of the conversation, know that you have planted a seed.The young woman with the black curly afro sits cross legged in a meditation pose, eyes closed and smiling. Under a heading reading step ten, after the conversation do something restorative for yourself, the text suggests finding an activity that helps you feel rooted in your body and mind like walking, meditating or drawing, and notes that the more you can have these talks and return to feeling safe and secure afterward, the less scary they will become.

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